Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder… of the things that matter

So its been quite some time since either of us have written a blog. Unfortunately, work commitments have kept me overly occupied. Fear not, I intend to write more once those commitments die down a bit.

Well we may have been quiet on the blog but that isnt to say we have been quiet in real life!

A lot has happened since the last post. We stopped having sex altogether after having a very honest discussion about wants and needs and feelings. He was comfortable with BDSM but not with sex. I handed over the reins of that completely and promised to keep my hands to myself to allow him the space he needed to get his head around things. wow, did that change things!

3 months of abstinence kind of drove me crazy, but at the same time it seemed to help me slow down my brain and begin to really enjoy the smaller things so much more. It reminded me of when I was first discovering my sexuality. It was more pure, more exciting, and most important, more loving. Despite the the absence of sex, the knowledge I gleaned from our heart to heart meant I no longer felt insecure about about what the lack of sex meant. I cant stress enough the of important complete honesty and openness is in a relationship!

So sex is back on the agenda, and while its still a rare treat for me, at least I know he isnt doing it only because he feels he has to. It may not be as often as I’d ideally like but I feel I have calmed down and now it is easier to go without it – its more important to me that he is comfortable and happy. I dont want him to touch me to keep me happy, I want him to WANT to explore my body, to be be turned on and driven to touch me. I want HIM to enjoy touching me. Mind you, I said he could have all the time in the world he needed and I would wait, but that he couldn’t just use that as an escape route to never have sex again. He could have all the time he needed on condition he worked on his issues, and of course he was OK with that, he even said it would be disrespectful not to. So that meant my worries about our sex life pretty much faded into the background. I felt so much more secure and patient in the knowledge and the intimacy that such a deep, heart felt talk provided… Now all we need to do is help get him to a place where he enjoys and wants it (as much as me hehe).