So its been quite some time since either of us have written a blog. Unfortunately, work commitments have kept me overly occupied. Fear not, I intend to write more once those commitments die down a bit.
Well we may have been quiet on the blog but that isnt to say we have been quiet in real life!
A lot has happened since the last post. We stopped having sex altogether after having a very honest discussion about wants and needs and feelings. He was comfortable with BDSM but not with sex. I handed over the reins of that completely and promised to keep my hands to myself to allow him the space he needed to get his head around things. wow, did that change things!
3 months of abstinence kind of drove me crazy, but at the same time it seemed to help me slow down my brain and begin to really enjoy the smaller things so much more. It reminded me of when I was first discovering my sexuality. It was more pure, more exciting, and most important, more loving. Despite the the absence of sex, the knowledge I gleaned from our heart to heart meant I no longer felt insecure about about what the lack of sex meant. I cant stress enough the of important complete honesty and openness is in a relationship!
So sex is back on the agenda, and while its still a rare treat for me, at least I know he isnt doing it only because he feels he has to. It may not be as often as I’d ideally like but I feel I have calmed down and now it is easier to go without it – its more important to me that he is comfortable and happy. I dont want him to touch me to keep me happy, I want him to WANT to explore my body, to be be turned on and driven to touch me. I want HIM to enjoy touching me. Mind you, I said he could have all the time in the world he needed and I would wait, but that he couldn’t just use that as an escape route to never have sex again. He could have all the time he needed on condition he worked on his issues, and of course he was OK with that, he even said it would be disrespectful not to. So that meant my worries about our sex life pretty much faded into the background. I felt so much more secure and patient in the knowledge and the intimacy that such a deep, heart felt talk provided… Now all we need to do is help get him to a place where he enjoys and wants it (as much as me hehe).
Role-playing list
December 4, 2008
Just been doing some … research, and thinking – coming up with a list of possible scenarios for D&S role playing, specifically with f/m B&D in mind :)
- Prison warden / Prisoner
- Boss / Employee (administration, hospitality etc)
- Police / Law-breaker (side of the road, at the station, after sentencing etc)
- Teacher / Student
- Shop owner / Shop-lifter
- Wife / Husband (home late, flirting, watching porn etc)
- House owner / Cleaner or handyman
- Tribal chief (matriarchal) / subject
Any other ideas?
In other news, I can’t believe I got the paddle 10 times last night for forgetting to make a phone call!
I’ll have topping with that…
November 13, 2008
Read an interesting blog post “Headology” by This Girl; about subbie space, which prompted me to leave a comment. Thought I should also post my thoughts here.
On spacing
I have never spaced and I don’t know if I ever will. I have watched my sub/boyfriend space and he just melts. Watching him in that state is incredible and I just wish that I could also experience it. I have to admit to feeling jealous.
One time at the dungeon when I was on the wall being flogged the master stopped before I really wanted him to. I felt I was getting more relaxed and more into the eroticism (which is a big part of BDSM for me). I had really been focusing on letting go. I don’t know if I was just getting more into it, or if i might have flown away should master have gone longer or harder. He said we will do that again and see if we can get me there. I’d really like to experience it.
Topping (yes please)
But I must say a large part of me wonders if I don’t reach subbie space because the person working me isn’t the one I love. When my bf tops it blows me away. Not spacing. But wow I love it! Seeing him all confident and forceful makes me melt and desperate for more. As soon as he appears aggressive it’s like a switch in my mind has been turned on (and its not the only thing turned on! lol). I love my boy so much. Seeing him aggressive – knowing what he wants and doing what he wants drives me wild.
The other weekend we were mucking around and spontaneously he got all Top on me. OH MY GOD! “take me! take me now”!!! He was so confident – there was no hesitation in his voice or his actions. He was forceful and utterly believable. He held my arms down on the bed. He made me roll over. Heavens I cant even remember everything he did. All I remember really is how excited I was, physically and intellectually by this side of my boy. I have to say it was one of the most highly erotic experiences ever – until my dog decided to join in by licking the side of my neck my boy wasn’t licking. Now I love my dog, really I do. But right then I could have killed him! My boy and I both cracked up laughing and the mood was gone. :(
Last night, several hours after my session on him, he got all Top again. Mmmm mmmm! All he has to do is place his hands on my cheeks and turn my head slightly and I’m silently begging for more. He sat on top of me and I looked up at him desiring him to do as he pleased with me. Now unlike my boy, I’m not so much into the pain aspect of BDSM. I like bondage and restraint, I like the power play, and I love the sensual play. So when he gets all top I find myself hoping he will use me sexually. I love it when he talks dirty to me. Last night he called me filthy. To which I replied “I’m only as filthy as your d!ck!” – the thought of which only turned me on more! When he calls me a b!tch I tell him to say it louder. I want him to whisper nasty things in my ear, I want him to tell me from above. Most of all I want him to make me give it to him. And that’s if he doesn’t take it for himself ;)
I’m so proud of my boy and how much confidence he has gained in the bedroom department. I can’t wait to see where it takes us! Blow me away!
