I’m madly in love with my boy and I have absolutely no desire to Domme anyone else. Fortunately for me, my boy thinks likewise (he doesn’t want to be sub to anyone other than me). I think a large part of the reason BDSM works for us is because its with each other – someone we love passionately. It is the object of our desire who inflicts/receives the power play, and that is what makes it such a turn on.
I was surprised recently when a friend of my boy insinuated that he had served her (he hadn’t). I was surprised at just how uncomfortable I felt with that notion. In a sense, the idea of him being sub to anyone else was worse than the idea of him cheating, as him subbing involves his mind and handing over power, and has to be THE most intimate, trust filled experiences I’ve shared with anyone. Sex on the other hand can be dissociated and reduced to a mere physically enjoyable act. (Not that I’m advocating cheating – I know how painful even a purely physically cheating can hurt).
Having decided we dont wish to play with others, we still enjoy attending the occasional play party. We play with each other and a part of us enjoys being watched and the humiliation of him being dominated in front of others. But we decided that we will only attend parties together - not on our own. And as odd as this may sound (heck it even sounds odd to me!), while we dont want to play with others, he and I will play with the resident Dom and Domme at the dungeon. I know I cant possibly give my boy a session like he could get from a resident Dom or Domme so I am happy to let him be worked on by them – I know them and trust them – and they don’t make it sexual. My boy is my sub so he will never be Dom to me. So sometimes I will sub to the resident Dom at the dungeon. My boy is fine with this, and the Dom reckons he loves watching me get spanked and flogged!
But, to me, the most important part about us playing with the Dom and Domme is that we are still doing it as a COUPLE! It isnt merely a selfish act of getting something we want. Its a caring act where one of us wants the other to have such an experience, and we share the experience by both being present. Whats more, we are always both involved. While the Dom/me does the flogging, each of us will be involved with the sensual side and hug and kiss and caress each other during these sessions. In fact, one of the kinkiest sessions we had involved my boy cuffed to the flogging wall, with me between the wall and him so I could kiss him and bite him and hold him. Every now and then the Dom would aim for a part of my body protruding out from under my boy. I would tease the Dom stick my side out, and the Dom would hit me instead of my boy. While the Dom was flogging my boy there was something incredibly exciting about the position I was in where the Dom could hit me at any moment. I was truly a part of my boy’s experience. By gosh did I love that session!!!
