I’ll have topping with that…

Read an interesting blog post “Headology” by This Girl; about subbie space, which prompted me to leave a comment. Thought I should also post my thoughts here.

On spacing

I have never spaced and I don’t know if I ever will. I have watched my sub/boyfriend space and he just melts. Watching him in that state is incredible and I just wish that I could also experience it. I have to admit to feeling jealous.

One time at the dungeon when I was on the wall being flogged the master stopped before I really wanted him to. I felt I was getting more relaxed and more into the eroticism (which is a big part of BDSM for me). I had really been focusing on letting go. I don’t know if I was just getting more into it, or if i might have flown away should master have gone longer or harder. He said we will do that again and see if we can get me there. I’d really like to experience it.

Topping (yes please)

But I must say a large part of me wonders if I don’t reach subbie space because the person working me isn’t the one I love. When my bf tops it blows me away. Not spacing. But wow I love it! Seeing him all confident and forceful makes me melt and desperate for more. As soon as he appears aggressive it’s like a switch in my mind has been turned on (and its not the only thing turned on! lol). I love my boy so much. Seeing him aggressive – knowing what he wants and doing what he wants drives me wild.

The other weekend we were mucking around and spontaneously he got all Top on me. OH MY GOD! “take me! take me now”!!! He was so confident – there was no hesitation in his voice or his actions. He was forceful and utterly believable. He held my arms down on the bed. He made me roll over. Heavens I cant even remember everything he did. All I remember really is how excited I was, physically and intellectually by this side of my boy. I have to say it was one of the most highly erotic experiences ever – until my dog decided to join in by licking the side of my neck my boy wasn’t licking. Now I love my dog, really I do. But right then I could have killed him! My boy and I both cracked up laughing and the mood was gone. :(

Last night, several hours after my session on him, he got all Top again. Mmmm mmmm! All he has to do is place his hands on my cheeks and turn my head slightly and I’m silently begging for more. He sat on top of me and I looked up at him desiring him to do as he pleased with me. Now unlike my boy, I’m not so much into the pain aspect of BDSM. I like bondage and restraint, I like the power play, and I love the sensual play. So when he gets all top I find myself hoping he will use me sexually. I love it when he talks dirty to me. Last night he called me filthy. To which I replied “I’m only as filthy as your d!ck!” – the thought of which only turned me on more! When he calls me a b!tch I tell him to say it louder. I want him to whisper nasty things in my ear, I want him to tell me from above. Most of all I want him to make me give it to him. And that’s if he doesn’t take it for himself ;)

I’m so proud of my boy and how much confidence he has gained in the bedroom department. I can’t wait to see where it takes us! Blow me away!

On a short leash

Latest addition to our toy collection:

Chain dog lead attached to our collar.

3 days later

A photo of my sore ass 3 days after my caning at the office from her which both she and I have blogged about:

Ouch!

So how does our hybrid vanilla/BDSM relationship work?

I know this might seem a bit weird having a diagram and all but it was the best way I could think of to explain how our relationship works with its blend of vanilla and BDSM, domme/sub and switching.

First and foremost we consider ourselves to be in a “normal” vanilla relationship, just boyfriend and girlfriend. Equals. We talk about things, we do things together, have sex, watch movies, help each other, support each other, are cheeky brats to each other.

Our BDSM activities are basically things we do when we’re in the mood or planned sessions like I did with her (yeah I’m going to stop capitalising “her” now) the other night which I’ll write about later.

It works something like this:

Basically three levels – vanilla, top/bottom and domme/sub. The switching part of it is that sometimes I’m Top and she is bottom, but above that she is Domme and I am sub. So basically Domme overrides Top – but we have rules for that to avoid clashes and confusion.

If she is Domme or I am Top at any point in time the other person cannot go Domme or Top. She can’t go straight from bottom to Domme and I can’t go straight from sub to Top. Everything returns to vanilla first.

It’s pretty easy for her to assert her role as Domme when she wants to go to that level – as long as she’s not currently bottom. If she takes things to that level then I’m sub until she releases me from that. If I want to Top then basically the rule is if I go get an implement then that’s the signal that I want to go Top.

That works because for me, going Top is essentially spanking – usually discipline or me just wanting to smack her for the fun of it. It’s more complicate for Domme/sub because she does more stuff with me like making her doing her ironing, dressing her etc but that works fine because Domme is ultimate in this relationship and when she goes Domme then that’s it. If I want to Top (to get her back) I have to wait till she releases me, we return to vanilla … for a bit, and then I can. Though usually it would be a couple of hours or even overnight for the subbie comedown before I feel able to switch from sub to Top.

The longest Top/bottom session I’ve done so far was what I did with her the other night – which I’ll blog about later which lasted just under an hour, but typically just going Top for a quick spanking would be over in 5 minutes. Domme/sub sessions can last a bit longer and go a couple of hours if she’s making me do stuff. Afterwards everything returns back to normal vanilla relationship.