Just been doing some … research, and thinking – coming up with a list of possible scenarios for D&S role playing, specifically with f/m B&D in mind :)

• Prison warden / Prisoner
• Boss / Employee (administration, hospitality etc)
• Police / Law-breaker (side of the road, at the station, after sentencing etc)
• Teacher / Student
• Shop owner / Shop-lifter
• Wife / Husband (home late, flirting, watching porn etc)
• House owner / Cleaner or handyman
• Tribal chief (matriarchal) / subject

Any other ideas?

In other news, I can’t believe I got the paddle 10 times last night for forgetting to make a phone call!

I had previously anticipated this Wednesday evening – a special session, one she had primed me for with the fear of punishment having ordered me to write down all my misdemeanours from the Sunday till that Wednesday night. I did so, although I failed to email her that list by midday Wednesday as she had also ordered. I paid for that forgetfulness later – although as it so happens I was at the post office picking up our new paddle when she texted me to let me know I had forgotten to send her the list. Ironic.

So I knew she’d bought something that she was planning to use that evening – something that “took a long time to set up”. I had no idea. I thought butt plug, strap-on … but I knew I was wrong, I knew I wouldn’t be able to guess.

I get home Wednesday around 6pm. A text message as I pull up ordering me to check the letter box. I do so, expecting to find the collar with a note that would require me to humilate myself even more than last time (did I mention a neighbour actually saw me putting the collar on for that other session). Not the case. Instead just a printed note (which you can see a bit of at the top of this blog post) … a Summons from the “court” ordering me to present myself for punishment for the crimes of speeding – a crime I had indeed confessed to in my manifest of misdemenours (which although I missed the deadline for I still ended up delivering).

I sidle on up to the door and knock nervously – and start giggling. She’s on the other side of the door, and also starts giggling. Doesn’t do much for setting the mood or me getting into my subbie role. Eventually we calm down and she lets me into the house. I walk into the room, she’s behind the door and closes it after me – and I turn around to see her dressed in a forest green police sherrif’s uniform – well, a variation of; a sexy single piece tight top and short skirt, complete with the sunglasses and fishnet stockings. Yum.

Up against the door I go and I’m ordered to strip off. Completely. Luckily she’s merciful enough to not launch straight into anything as I’d texted ahead to let her know I’d had a crap day at work and would appreciate some consideration. So she sends me off the shower – and I shower, while she stands in the bathroom and watches me. I feel a little self-concious.

Out of the shower, dry off. Into the lounge, naked. Forced to my knees. Hands cuffed behind my back.

“How many are you getting”

“19″

She alludes to the possibility that the “court” may be subject to … persuasion.

“What are you willing to do to get some taken off your tally?”

What does she mean? What can I do?

I kiss her feet.

“That’s one off. Anything else?”

Not that I can think of. So over the arm of the lounge I go, my legs spread, face down in the cushions.

She works me over with the floggers, riding crop (which she got me up to a nine with several times) and the new paddle. For the purposes of my punishment her hand and the new paddle contributed to the tally, so interspersed with other implements she slowly worked down through the 19. Off to the bedroom for the last few.

Afterwards, the cuffs came off and we cuddled :)

I will write a longer account of our session last night later on, but this is just to show off our new toy from The London Tanners which turned up just in time for last night’s session; a Junior Spanking Paddle with a photo below showing the paddle and the stitching on the back of the handle:

It really is a nice paddle – the flexibility and size of it gives it a great swiping action and it feels good too, fairly light – something you could take quite a few smacks with.

She’s got me a little concerned. She’s bought something off eBay and I can’t guess what it is. She’s teasing me about it. I’ve had to set aside my whole Wednesday evening for it. It requires preparation time to set up. I know there’ll be punishment and discipline involved at some point as I already have a tally of 14 and she’s told me to write down everything I do wrong from now until Wednesday evening – including speeding, being late for meetings – everything.

It’s not a spanking implement, it’s not a butt plug, not a strap-on, not restraints – I honestly have no idea, from the meager clues she’s given me. She’s thoroughly enjoying this.

Our new London Tanners Junior Spanking Paddle should arrive in the next day or so and I expect that’ll be broken in on Wednesday night.

I’m freaking out a little bit … I don’t think I’ll get much work done today and almost certainly nothing done on Wednesday.

Today is the third annual Love Our Lurkers day.

Today is a day we encourage all of our readership, the 99% of you who come here and read our blogs but don’t leave a comment to step out of your comfort zone and actually say something. Talk to us. Let us know you enjoy reading our blogs, that you find our articles useful and helpful. Give us some positive feedback and encouragement. We put a lot of work and effort into keeping our blogs going and regularly updated and it’s always nice to see someone telling us we’re doing a good job. That we’re appreciated.

You’re not revealing anything by leaving a comment – it can be anonymous, though it’s always nice to have a name associated with our readers, even a psedonym. Don’t be shy. You’ve got nothing to lose, and we would really appreciate if you just said hi.

Thanks for coming, and thanks to Bonnie from Bottom Smarts for the invitation to participate in this special Love Our Lurkers campaign!

In her last post Breaking the fear barrier my girlfriend and mistress mentioned the 1 to 10 pain scale according to her understanding. I just wanted to share my thoughts on the pain scale we use.

First of all so far I’ve never used anything lower than 3 although hand spanking over jeans would have to be a 1 and they’re never serious so no need to apply the pain scale. If she’d asked me while delivering that caning I probably would have said 11. Anyway, that’s another story and we learned that day it’s important to at least finish a spanking on the bare so you can monitor the damage even though it will hurt more.

3: Typical hand spanking or paddle applied over pants. Can take a fair few of these but they’ll build up and work up the scale even though they’re all applied with the same force. I definitely feel them, but they feel like a massage. Good warm up. Also the flogger after a few minutes.

5: Tawse or strap. A good level of pain. The sort that sends me into subbie space.

7: This is what the large 16″ wooden paddle usually starts at when applied to my bare ass although I usually only get this for disciplinary spankings and no more than four at a time. Bit too intense for my liking but I’m not supposed to enjoy these sort of sessions. Of course, I still do – but for a different reason.

9: After the fourth with the plank mentioned above or the cane. A scale 9 impact will also propel me across the bed (assuming I’ve been bent over the end of the bed as is her favourite position for me) and leave me curled up fetal position under as many pillows as I can grab while in trajectory.

Also just want to mention I’ve put up just one pic for now of our spanking implements collection on the new toys and implements page with more to come, seeing flickr deleted our account.

Being a psychologist, it’s no surprise to know I’m a deeply caring sort of person who has a natural ability to empathise with others.  I’m the kind of person who goes out of her way to care for others, and sometimes at my own expense.  So how on earth could I get my head around BDSM?

One of the first sessions I watched was a woman who is referred to as a “pain slut”.  She can take one hell of a caning!  It took every mental effort while watching her to fight my automatic empathic responses and NOT to put myself in her place and feel her pain and turmoil.  Watching her scream out in agony, begging her mistress to stop, and sobbing, I found it very difficult not to feel I was watching someone actually being tortured, and thus I knew I was effectively experiencing vicarious “trauma”.  I felt sick in the stomach with worry and concern and I fought back the tears (though later succumbed).  The other dungeon master, and my Dom for awhile, caring whispered explanations in my ear throughout her session.  I told him my thoughts and concerns and he helped by predicting the things she would say during her session, and what she would say afterwards. He reassured me that her begging to stop was part of the experience for her. It wasnt “real”, it just created the experience she needed to get to subbie space.  After her session she was apologising profusely when she saw me crying.  She was worried that watching her play had upset me.  She talked to me and told me that she loves what just happened to her in the session and that she could even have taken more.   Hearing her talk helped my brain to marry up the torture-like appearance with the fact that it was play.

Then came the issue of tackling my “look after others” approach to life.  Here I was, falling in love with a beautiful man and wanting to nurture him, and yet I was holding a paddle knowing he wanted me to hit him? At first it was very difficult. Now, I wasnt hitting him only because he wanted me to. I like the Domme role. There was something sexy about it. It just happens that it a polar opposite to my core personality.  When we played I didnt play very hard with him. I knew he wanted pain but I didnt want to hurt him – you know – hurt him more than he wanted. I was frightened of hurting him. Inside I just wanted to wrap him up in cotton wool and protect him from all the stresses in his life.  I spose thats partly what helped me over come my fear of causing him pain – a good spanking HELPED him deal with stress!  Knowing that helped me have the motivation to push through my fear of hurting him. But I really struggled.

We explored ways to help me push through the fear barrier. Now everyone who plays knows you have a “safe word”, but most people would also know that when youre in the hot spot you do everything you can not to use it. I knew, from experience, it was possible to try not to use the safe-word and realise later you should have. I didnt want this to happen when I played with him.  The safe word wasnt enough for me. I could not rest easy just relying on that. 

After a while we settled on a system that worked brilliantly. 1-10 pain rating.  To help me learn where his limits are and how hard to play I would ask him to rate the intensity of the pain on a scale from 1-10 after each hit, or after each of my “hard” hits.  Times I thought I might have hit too hard I was surprised to learn it was only a 7.  This meant I felt comfortable to push him further and had a better idea when to stop. I wasnt stabbing around in the dark anymore, I had some guidance.

These days I only infrequently ask him for the pain rating. I dont like to ruin the play session by bringing him out of his head space to answer that question. But sometimes I will. And sometimes I think it can help his head space.  Should he tell me truthfully that the pain was only a 7 when he knows this means I will go harder?

Having a much better understanding of which implements cause which amount of pain now, I am far more comfortable playing harder.  I’ve fought back my desire to care for him, knowing that he adores me giving it to him as hard as I want, and I am now able to leave that fear aside and a risk reaching a 10.  In the end, even if it does hurt him beyond what I may wish to, I know mentally he would get off knowing I had done that to him. We are now comfortable and strong enough to handle breaking the fear barrier, and now he knows there is no longer that barrier I bet you it makes him more anxious and heightens the experience.

Sacale 1-10

1 = “Did you even hit me you lame arse b!tch?”

7 = the minimum level I like when administering reprimands “I’ll make you sorry boy”

9 = “Hail oh mistress take mercy”

10 = safe-word level – stop

Ok it’s not really a flogger because you don’t use it like a flogger – it just looks like one because it has a handle with a bunch of tails.

I made this from about 5 feet of bead chain cut into 6 pieces, an irrigation pipe joiner piece and some silicone. Tied the pieces of chain together with some wire, inserted it into the pipe and siliconed it up from both ends.

Works best with the subject blind-folded :)

We only had our flickr account for two weeks – but only a few days after they told us they had marked our entire photostream as “Restricted” they’ve now gone and also deleted our account. No reason given. No email from them. It’s just … gone.

Needless to say, I’m furious. I was happy to accept the “Restricted” flag even though we only have photos of paddles and straps and a few bare arses (no pornography) and I had marked all the bare skin ones as “Moderate”. I hadn’t uploaded any new photos since they had flagged our stream but clearly they decided that wasn’t enough.

So I’ve now had to go through all our posts, dig up the photos on our computer and upload them to WordPress and replace the photos in our posts and remove links to flickr.

So, she comes home today. Been away too long and I’ve been going out of my mind. You’ve probably missed her too as I’ve written the last eight or so blog posts so will be good to have her back and blogging.

But twelve! OK well it started as ten – we were just chatting over the Internet during the week and I was being a rude brat as usual and so she just dropped that in the middle of the conversation. Now any sub knows what it means when their Dom/Domme just gives out a number. It’s a tally for the number of spankings they’ve just earned themselves and when we’re talking punishment/discipline spankings that have tallies associated with them it’s usually going to be with something serious like the cane or in our case the big wooden paddle on the bare. But couldn’t she have warned me I was pushing my luck and that I was accruing a spanking tally instead of waiting till I had collected ten?

No, because she’s a – and I told her that, hence why I earned two more :)

She couldn’t wait till she came home either so told me to go get the wooden paddles, pull down my pants, bend over the couch and spank myself. Which I obediently did even though she had to trust I was actually doing it seeing she was far away. Which she did – but decided she wasn’t sure if I’d done it hard enough so she didn’t take any off my tally. Which still stands at twelve, and I’ll probably be collecting those sometime this weekend.