I’ll have topping with that…

Read an interesting blog post “Headology” by This Girl; about subbie space, which prompted me to leave a comment. Thought I should also post my thoughts here.

On spacing

I have never spaced and I don’t know if I ever will. I have watched my sub/boyfriend space and he just melts. Watching him in that state is incredible and I just wish that I could also experience it. I have to admit to feeling jealous.

One time at the dungeon when I was on the wall being flogged the master stopped before I really wanted him to. I felt I was getting more relaxed and more into the eroticism (which is a big part of BDSM for me). I had really been focusing on letting go. I don’t know if I was just getting more into it, or if i might have flown away should master have gone longer or harder. He said we will do that again and see if we can get me there. I’d really like to experience it.

Topping (yes please)

But I must say a large part of me wonders if I don’t reach subbie space because the person working me isn’t the one I love. When my bf tops it blows me away. Not spacing. But wow I love it! Seeing him all confident and forceful makes me melt and desperate for more. As soon as he appears aggressive it’s like a switch in my mind has been turned on (and its not the only thing turned on! lol). I love my boy so much. Seeing him aggressive – knowing what he wants and doing what he wants drives me wild.

The other weekend we were mucking around and spontaneously he got all Top on me. OH MY GOD! “take me! take me now”!!! He was so confident – there was no hesitation in his voice or his actions. He was forceful and utterly believable. He held my arms down on the bed. He made me roll over. Heavens I cant even remember everything he did. All I remember really is how excited I was, physically and intellectually by this side of my boy. I have to say it was one of the most highly erotic experiences ever – until my dog decided to join in by licking the side of my neck my boy wasn’t licking. Now I love my dog, really I do. But right then I could have killed him! My boy and I both cracked up laughing and the mood was gone. :(

Last night, several hours after my session on him, he got all Top again. Mmmm mmmm! All he has to do is place his hands on my cheeks and turn my head slightly and I’m silently begging for more. He sat on top of me and I looked up at him desiring him to do as he pleased with me. Now unlike my boy, I’m not so much into the pain aspect of BDSM. I like bondage and restraint, I like the power play, and I love the sensual play. So when he gets all top I find myself hoping he will use me sexually. I love it when he talks dirty to me. Last night he called me filthy. To which I replied “I’m only as filthy as your d!ck!” – the thought of which only turned me on more! When he calls me a b!tch I tell him to say it louder. I want him to whisper nasty things in my ear, I want him to tell me from above. Most of all I want him to make me give it to him. And that’s if he doesn’t take it for himself ;)

I’m so proud of my boy and how much confidence he has gained in the bedroom department. I can’t wait to see where it takes us! Blow me away!